Lost Episodes

Eventually, I'm going to move all of my toytale theatre pieces over here, but for now you can follow the links to see the missing episodes:
Snack of the Clones In a galaxy far, far away, the Supreme Court meets.
I'ma Happy President! I keep the world safe from brush and bad guys!


The Away Mission

Stardate 022206

Commander Geordi LaForge: Data, what is that?

Commander Data: Well, Geordi, it appears there is such a thing as Little Green Men, after all.

Lieutenant Worf: Klingons do NOT like Little Green Men!

Commander William Riker: Is it just me or does that thing have the loveliest lips you have ever seen on a Little Green Man?

Worf: Klingons do NOT like lips!

Geordi: Hold on, Commander! You can’t kiss that thing…!

Data: The creature appears to have rather long bicuspids, Commander. Such an action would be ill advised without additional knowledge of is mastication capabilities.

Worf: Klingons do NOT like bicuspids!

Data: In addition, such an action would be a violation of First Contact Protocol.

Riker: (To LGM) So, you come here often?

Data: It is possible the creature is a native inhabitant indigenous to this world.

Geordi: Sir, preliminary scans show the creature is neither male nor female but is quite possibly a third sex.

Worf: Klingons do NOT like third sexes!

Riker: Ahhh, something new….

Data: I, myself, could be considered a third sex although my appearance is decidedly male.

Riker: You don’t say…. Maybe you, that creature, and I could all have a drink in Ten Forward sometime…?

Data: As an artificial life form, I do not require liquid sustenance, Commander.

Little Green Man: Ouy t’now ekil em nehw m’I yrgna!

Riker: Adorable! It talks. Data?

Data: The universal translators are not detecting the language, Sir.

Worf: Klingons do NOT like translators!

Geordi: I am GEORDI… Geor-di. (Pats chest). You are…?

LGM: Elbidercni kluh!

Worf: Let’s kill it now! Before it takes some action forcing us to kill it!

Geordi: No, let’s take it to the Enterprise and make it our pet.

Worf: Klingons do NOT like pets!

Data: Commander, we cannot assume this creature is ours to do with as we please. To interfere with this creature’s right to self-determination would be a direct violation of the prime directive.

Worf: Klingons do NOT like prime directives!

Riker: No one much does, Mr. Worf. Riker to Enterprise!

O’Brien’s voice: Enterprise here. Go ahead, Commander.

Riker: Ask Counselor Troi to join us on the planet. She can attempt to communicate with this creature.

O’Brien’s voice: I’m sorry, Commander, but I’m afraid we have some bad news regarding the Counselor. We believe she may have been taken by the Big Giant Kid who kidnapped the Captain a few years ago. She’s gone, Commander.

Riker: Bummer! She was hot.

Worf: Klingons do NOT like Big Giant Kids!

Data: Until we can acquire another empath or advance our translator technology, ethical considerations dictate that we leave this creature just as we found him.

Worf: Klingons do NOT like ethics!

Riker: I concur, Geordi. Riker to Enterprise. Four to beam up.

LGM: Dna yats eht kcuf ffo ym tenalp, selohssa!!! hE?…s’tahw pu htiw eht gnilkraps ffuts?


I was a happy dictator...

...living in my desert paradise.
I had a nice tent.
I had my fearsome weapon.

I had my Republican Guard.

I had my harem.

Then one day, a big, scary eagle came and captured me.

Now a captive, I await my fate in the eagle's nest.
What is to become of me, no one knows.
What's that? What's that?
...(the sound of singing) ...and the eeeeeagle soooooooared, like he never soared befooooooore.....
Shut up! Shut up! Cease! Stop that caterwaulin!
Everyday, he sings that song to me! That's cruel and unusual punishment! That's a violation of Geneva Conventions! That's...that's TORTURE!!!!

I was a happy wizard...

...living in a really cool tower I built myself.

Then, one day, nasty pirates, led by a bossy 7 year-old, sailed into Phantom Bay and kidnapped my ugly daughter and me. Phantom Bay is very treacherous, what with all the wreckage of ruined castles floating about, as you can see in this photo, but that didn't stop these enterprising pirates.

My powerful neighbor, Lord Dragomont (a 4 year-old with a vacillating disposition and frequent flatulence) did not come to my aid. Woe is me.

When I would not swear to serve them with my magical powers, the nasty pirates forced my ugly daughter to walk the plank. Still, I held fast. I'm brave like that. (That's me in the background, the handsome one with the flowing white locks and luxurious beard. I recommend the conditioners with ylang-ylang.)

At night, there was only a skeleton crew. Fortunately, they were very stupid. I convinced them to let me have my magic wand (I promised to cast a hair-growing spell on them. Ha ha!), whereupon I was able to free myself. Go me!

I am so glad to be back in my tower. Bummer about my ugly daughter, though. Fecking pirates!