The Away Mission

Stardate 022206


Commander Geordi LaForge: Data, what is that?

Commander Data: Well, Geordi, it appears there is such a thing as Little Green Men, after all.

Lieutenant Worf: Klingons do NOT like Little Green Men!

Commander William Riker: Is it just me or does that thing have the loveliest lips you have ever seen on a Little Green Man?

Worf: Klingons do NOT like lips!

Geordi: Hold on, Commander! You can’t kiss that thing…!

Data: The creature appears to have rather long bicuspids, Commander. Such an action would be ill advised without additional knowledge of is mastication capabilities.

Worf: Klingons do NOT like bicuspids!

Data: In addition, such an action would be a violation of First Contact Protocol.

Riker: (To LGM) So, you come here often?

Data: It is possible the creature is a native inhabitant indigenous to this world.

Geordi: Sir, preliminary scans show the creature is neither male nor female but is quite possibly a third sex.

Worf: Klingons do NOT like third sexes!

Riker: Ahhh, something new….

Data: I, myself, could be considered a third sex although my appearance is decidedly male.

Riker: You don’t say…. Maybe you, that creature, and I could all have a drink in Ten Forward sometime…?

Data: As an artificial life form, I do not require liquid sustenance, Commander.

Little Green Man: Ouy t’now ekil em nehw m’I yrgna!

Riker: Adorable! It talks. Data?

Data: The universal translators are not detecting the language, Sir.

Worf: Klingons do NOT like translators!

Geordi: I am GEORDI… Geor-di. (Pats chest). You are…?

LGM: Elbidercni kluh!

Worf: Let’s kill it now! Before it takes some action forcing us to kill it!

Geordi: No, let’s take it to the Enterprise and make it our pet.

Worf: Klingons do NOT like pets!

Data: Commander, we cannot assume this creature is ours to do with as we please. To interfere with this creature’s right to self-determination would be a direct violation of the prime directive.

Worf: Klingons do NOT like prime directives!

Riker: No one much does, Mr. Worf. Riker to Enterprise!

O’Brien’s voice: Enterprise here. Go ahead, Commander.

Riker: Ask Counselor Troi to join us on the planet. She can attempt to communicate with this creature.

O’Brien’s voice: I’m sorry, Commander, but I’m afraid we have some bad news regarding the Counselor. We believe she may have been taken by the Big Giant Kid who kidnapped the Captain a few years ago. She’s gone, Commander.

Riker: Bummer! She was hot.

Worf: Klingons do NOT like Big Giant Kids!

Data: Until we can acquire another empath or advance our translator technology, ethical considerations dictate that we leave this creature just as we found him.

Worf: Klingons do NOT like ethics!

Riker: I concur, Geordi. Riker to Enterprise. Four to beam up.

LGM: Dna yats eht kcuf ffo ym tenalp, selohssa!!! hE?…s’tahw pu htiw eht gnilkraps ffuts?